august came and i left.

i snuffed the fire quickly

to prevent it from spreading far

pulled the moon out of my chest

and sent it home to the stars

i gathered the earth in one quick sweep

and carefully boxed it in

and planted a new seed in place

in the wreckage,

may new life begin.

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excerpt

of course it still hurts.
it’s a sword slowly slid into my heart that i feel every single inch of blade that goes through the muscles, tissues and veins.
it does not slice.
it does not make me scream in pain.
it does not catch me by surprise.
it will not break my heart into two.
instead it will remain there and i shall learn to live with it. when my muscles learn to embrace the cold steel and my veins learn to make their way through it. my heart shall pump warm blood against cold steel.
i do not die from it.
i will not be weakened by it.
but
of course it still hurts.

Direk listens.

not so long ago when my heart was shattered to pieces and pounded to dust, i cried my heart out and shouted to the heavens, “DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS???? WILL THIS AGONY EVER END? SPARE ME. Spare my heart.”

and taking away all that is tangible and mortal (it was already shattered to pieces and pounded to dust), i silently wept –

“Direk, ang gusto ko lamang ay ang taong mamahalin ako ng buong buo. yung taong may balls. yung taong hindi takot sa hinaharap dahil takot siyang mawala ako sa buhay niya. yung taong nasaktan na para maintindihan niya ang pagdurusa ko. yung taong matukso man, ay hindi magpapatukso. lahat ng iba, kering keri ko na.”

i guess he said Yes.

parepareparepareparepareparepareho lang.

kailangan ko ng taong kasing unique ng first name ko at kasing simple ng nickname ko.
simple lang. mamahalin lang ako ng buong buo, at di ako lolokohin, o paaasahin sa mga salitang walang laman.
unique kasi bihira nalang ata ang ganoong tao. yung pangalan ko nga, ako lang ang may ganoon sa BUONG pilipinas. waddup.

makalipat nga ng dimension.

san ka na ba? lapit ka na? sunduin nalang kaya kita?
i’m battling cynicism here. i’m fighting for hope.

it still stings, you know.

the all too familiar clutch and prodding of that
cavity somewhere on the left side of my chest
one intense crush
and then the evanescent flutter

and then you’re gone. like you should be.

at least i know i’m still able to feel.