Not Myself

Not Myself Lyrics
John Mayer
Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
And there are times
I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when I’m not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when I’m not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You’re my saving grace?


School is Cool

mood: annoyed
music: Can We Just Stop and Talk A While? – Jose Mari Chan

went out to find my school today.. damn.. gonna cost me a whole lotta g’s for me to study here.. but im really thinking about it.. biruin mo.. my 5 years worth in the philppines is equivalent to one year ONLY. comeon!! my value as a working person would definitely go waaay higher than i want it to be.. damn damn damn… but two years.. i am honestly thinking of one major thing… its not the money.. not the location, not the years.. all that i can survive…


i love him so.. and i know that he would support my decision.. but would we able to stand up against time? lord knows how this work… but i think of all those men who go to war and have their wives wait for them patiently.. TRUE LOVE.. are we going to be able to fit in that batch of people? the creme de la creme of LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS.


i think so.

but its not that easy.. i really wish that papa j would be able to get here in london so we would be together na.. with the case of my mom,, well, ala na sha magagawa doon diba? come on, i love the guy!! whats wrong with loving? obviously she has a thing or two to learn about love also!!! and so does my ate.. she left the one she really loved there sa philippines and settled for this half breed man and mongrel.. joshua, would never ever hit me. i know. he is not that kind of man.

anywhoo….. got to be friends with bryan atienza again.. isnt that really weird? now i get to think and try to remember if we ever had something going on between the two of us.. nyerk.

no matter..anyway, past is past.. but i seem to see that he is so-called “a heartthrob” these days.. i wonder why i never saw it.. or what i saw in it before!!


im soooo mean!! but its true naman e…. but im glad were definitely friends again.. heheh.

so anywhoo.. thats it for today.. oh, my baby lost today.. P500… he is so sad… nawawalan na daw sha ng dangal.. tangina plus the message of VJay in his friendster.. i cant wait till i get it all fixed up. i will definitely kick the crap out of him.

so there pader. thats all for now. im out.


mood: groggy
music: Everyday – Agot Isidro

my damn enter key is not working again… damn it. anyway got to talk to my baby today.. yaye… as in sa phone.. isn’t that soooo cool? wala lang, i missed him terribly, and i woke him up too, just a couple of minutes ago.. awww man.. just 4 more months.. thinking of buying nalang an open phone.. anyway there are 2 extra sim cards here, rather than go monthly diba? at least when i get home, i can use my globe line there.. GREAT.Ü my head really hurts, better sleep na, gonna be a long busy day tomorrow.. oh, by the way, the name of the bar is mickey flynns. fabulous.Ü

hey big spender!!!

mood: happy
music: Ella Fitzgerald songs

oooo.. not sure if i did put an entry last night.. i guess i didn’t but what the hell.. i’ll still make kwento anyway…

we are sooo near to finding out who harassed me earlier.. right now im busy gathering my people to make the next few months of their lives miserable. okay i think im exagerating.. maybe for a couple of days…..

i have eaten too much of their crap you know. a part of me is still soft and guilty to make the call, but a part of me says that i have to stand up.. i can’t be forever harrassed like this.. if i don’t put my food down now, we will forever have tormentors.. and i think i would like to show josh that this is too much, and im not willing to sit down and harass me any further. besides our main suspect shouldn’t even have an grudge against me because i never did him any wrong!! i mean diba? parang, ANO BANG GINAWA KO SAYO? wait i think i did write this down earlier.. hehehe.

didn’t get to talk to papa j last night.. awmannn.. that really sucks.. hay.. but its okay.. im trying to wait for him now but he is so tagal to wake up! grr!!

i spent so much today… i bought these lovely pair of pointed pumps that has been my dream to buy ever since i was a kid.. it was £30.00… not bad for a week’s salary of £100.. but then it still sucks because im sending money to the Philippines and i have phone lines to pay and a cell to buy.. all luxuries.. but what the hell. i want it, and i can godamn pay for it anyway.. hehe.. and not to mention that i bought bath salts and bombs for £10, and an IDT card for £17…heheee

IM SOOO HAPPY..ÜÜÜÜÜÜ i FINALLY found a POOL CLUB!! isn’t that STUPENDIFIDOUS? SPLENDIRIFIC even!!! i can finally play billiards. when i saw the place i swear my heart lept like i found my long lost son or something.. membership was £10… but thats lifetime na.. i can’t wait to join the tournaments!! i mean, i know i have been out of practice but what the hell diba? that’s why nga i joined e!! was planning to join a new gym but i bought a DVD nalang of a workout. which was £14.00.. so can you just imagine how much was left of my sweldo? im not even calculating it anymore..gee.. i really have to find another less time-consuming job. sayang naman my new atm and credit card kung walang laman ang account ko!! HAAHAH!!

my eyes are playing tricks on me.. i keep seeing that a yahoo message pops up of my lower right screen.. i really miss my papa j.. gosh.. cant take this na….

owelll, i have to go, coz my sister will wake up really really soon. see yah.Ü

let the good times roll!!!

mood: accomplished
music: Bring me to life – evanescence

what a nice day it is today.. okay.. not so because my enter key, as usual has failed me.. i dont know what the hell is wrong with it but anyway…. i guess i just have to do it without the enter key… sooo…. it has been such a great day.. first of all, i have my bank account already.. YAYE!!!! and it is a current account.. which means i have a credit card and a checkbook.. yeah yeah mababaw kung mababaw but thats meeee!!! i miss my credit cards back in the philippines.. for a stupid reason i totally forgot about it until the time i was already in the airport.. gee bob, nice going.. but anyway.. i have a new credit card here so all is well.. sad thing is that i have to pay for it na myself.. back home i had my dad pay for it.. i just usually buy books and stuff but then i guess now i really have to earn for it. good thing that my pay here is not that bad.. plus i really dont have friends here so i cant go out shopping or malling.. that is good news and bad news.. i guess i better take it that way. anyway.. so there nga…my other good news is that they finally have a lead on who to my oppressors are in ym… YES. *sniff sniif* revenge is soooo sweet.. especially when served cold. im not really like this you know.. the revenge type of girl.. but then, that was too much, and i guess i have my limitations too.. so sue me. one group of hackers have identified 20 users of blacksheep_brat. and one of them is someone we really know.. but we have to make sure that he is the one who really did it.. anyway… i would really want to kill ice_joshua.. hes the one who really hurt me. and my papa j as well. so he better pay.. hmmmmm im not sure how they’re going to do with my friendster account but ill leave that to the geniuses… as for me.. revenge is sweet. it sounds so bad.. but im really enjoying it.. maybe its time to step up and not take what everybody throws at me.. ive been eating this shit for more than a year now so i guess they better cut me some slack naman diba… okay… gotta AFK first.. my baby is on line… see yah.

mood: determined music: I Am What I Am no place …

mood: determined
music: I Am What I Am

no place for a title today.. because simply it was a blah day… i slept for 5 hours before this!! would you believe right after dinner i went to sleep na.. only because i want more time in the net every evening (PHilippine time) and i felt that it would be much faster to work at night.. and then now, my computer cant fucking access Friendster.


not that i have become a friendster addict, but i guess its because i have been doing testimonials loooong due to certain people.. and for some odd reason, my friends started adding up again.. and people i don’t know at all!! you know those group thingees.. anyway so there.

here’s my story last night.

i told josh about the stalker thing.. and i found out one lead to it… i was searching through Friendster for people i didn’t make testis (this word really sounds baaad…) for.. and i stumbled upon this particular person who hangs out in my tambayan.. in Koleo.. where i rule supreme together with Josh (hehe). so anyway… guess what was in his “About Me:” section.

…blacksheep, brat…..

in that particular order.

i suddenly developed the chills.

could this be a sign? could he be the one who did it?

i mean, it could be purely coincidental.. yet everything fits in place.. i know that this guy likes me.. only i know too that he is scared of the people im affiliated with and feeling maton sha.

but i know when someone likes me or not. i just pretend to be dense so that i can save face.. or embarassment for both parties.

okay… now this has really become a personal journal. hehhe.something new you learn about me everyday.

so anyway… there nga.. this guy…it could be.. could be not.. as a true libran it is an inate characteristic to weigh the both sides of the story.. but i dont know.. really i dont know..

but i still told josh about it.. hoo boy.. and now his hackers are working on it.. and so are mine…

let the games begin.

another thing thats going through my mind is that i know even if he was the one.. he would never tell.. i mean ho wouuld diba? its going to be my word against his.. hay nako. and the one that i really want to kill was ice_joshua…. i really really really want to hurt that person.. ive never been like this before.. im usually mild mannered and super steady when it comes to crisis like this.. but he changed everything.

yeah, yeah, let go, shmet go.. i do. when im doing something different i dont think about it.. but when its time to think about it..


ha. so there.. that was my day yesterday.. and today. well, its alright.. nothing new.. chatted with my papi.. thats what i call him now.. papi… hehehheeh…okay.. i have to check my other sites… see yah.


mood: blah
music: Oh – dave matthews band

i really dont have much to say today here..just that im running out of money.. and i havent got my paycheck last week.. blah. oooooo boy… oh yeah, chatted with pangshk for a time there, but logged off din.. i guess ill go now.. its really late.. o i have kwento pla.. pero tom nalang yon okay… just to remind me, its about the hacker in my ym. GRR.