i know i’m okay because

it’s okay now to

miss you

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even in chaos, there is always order that is trying to emerge.

Today i am grateful for:

1. 0303 manifestations

2. Long sunday mornings

3. Dinner with my mom

under the table and dreaming

i was talking to a friend just now and i just realized that Dave Matthews Band encapsulates my innocent youth. bright eyed and my heart on my sleeve.

DMB was the soundtrack of my 20s.

Now that i am almost halfway done with my 30s, i look back to think what has been the soundtrack of my life so far.

Hmm.

MOST of the songs i get to hear now are repetitive and electronic. Not that I have something against it – in fact, i enjoy listening to it! but there is something very organic and simple with my 20s soundtrack.

there was joy going through the lyrics that was found in the cover of the CDs, memorizing the songs and engraving it to your heart and soul while going on a long road trip.

now, for me to find the lyrics, all i have to do is type it and voila! it is there. or better yet, use shazam and now the lyrics are immediately there.

both ways are fun. i guess i just miss the hard work and simplicity of things before.

but on to better things! like pushing for a better soundtrack for my 30s, not just songs that keeps talking about meeting people in the bar and going home.

i miss good songs!

i’m out.

aha

St. Marie Eugenie, my school foundress has this quote that I have been trying to live all through out my life. It goes,

 

Love never says, ” I have done enough!”

and so I thought I did. I kept giving and giving until one day, I felt empty and broken and spoiled and had nothing left to give.

 

I have misinterpreted the quote that was taught to us.

I forgot, that in my humaness, with finite days to live in this finite world, everything in me is also finite, and that’s why, MY love is finite.

But God’s love is INFINITE.  I wasn’t called to give out my own finite, imperfect translation of love. I was being asked to become an instrument of His love. To graciously receive it, let it flow, and give it back to others.

What a wonderful thought it is, that I can never run out of love because it is just supposed to flow through me!

 

Thank you, Direk, for this Aha moment. I am grateful and humbled to be your instrument.

almost a year ago, someone asked me to stop writing in my own space, and in my own fog of confusion and weakness, i succumbed to his wishes, even though i knew (she said weakly, during that time) it was

FUCKING WRONG.

today that fog has lifted.

Maybe i’ll post here again, maybe not. but i got my free will back.

So that is that.

Good night, everyone. May your own fogs clear up through that light that shines bright within you.