my grandmother is finally in manila, and midterm week officially starts in a few hours.
i think the tug in my stomach is causing the congestion in my tear ducts. not to mention the bottle neck as you approach my heart. the morning rush in edsa is nothing compared to what i have inside me right now.
i know this much about myself; self-preservation is taking over, making sure i still stay in-sane this week. i feel that i’m moving in slow motion – taking precarious steps, putting in a script in every move i make. “i am now studying rule 112” “i’m going to start the engine of my car.” “i am taking a deep breath.” “i’m going to walk over to my coffee maker because i’m all out of coffee.” all a constant reminder that i am still here, and that i have to just keep going.
i feel my eyes are wet. at least the corners of it are. not sure though if these are tears, or just the need of my eyes to lubricate. i’ve been up the whole day yesterday. my mom was in a war with my prelims. at least i hope everything we’ve talked about gets retained in my head. sayang naman ang a for effort ko.
i pause to take in a gasp of air. i gasp because my heart and my stomach are pushing against each other, and it doesn’t help that i’m lying on my stomach. i feel i have to do so just to make sure i don’t vomit my guts or let my heart finally fly out and quit on me.
this much i can comfortably say now – losing my tatang reminded me once again how fast life goes by. that’s why i love taking pictures, no matter how ordinary i think my day is, you just never know when you get to hug the person one last time, or sit with them and ask how their day was. so take advantage of the times you can give happiness to the people around you, no matter how inconsequential you think it is. it may be the last time you would ever do so.
a sleeve at the tip of my fingers, a scent that lingers until i sleep.
a fleeting moment encircling my thoughts, memories swirling in my head, in too deep.
asan na si miss paninindigan when i need her?
tulog lang to. crim pro na mamaya. i’m out.