1 week down and 6 professors later, i find myself back in my bathroom for my 3rd bath today writing an entry.
it doesn’t take much to distract me from the things that i need to do right now. i’ve checked every possible game in facebook, did my sunday chores, even took out my curtains debating whether i should put the dark ones (para hindi maliwanag) or the light ones (para hindi mainit) and ended up putting the dark ones instead.
i should be taking a bath right now. my mom just went up and asked me what books i still need for school and i seriously need to get myself a book for property. reading other people’s notes are just not helping me.
e maarte ako eh. t@ngin@.
i’ve been cranky lately. i can blame that on numerous factors. i need my hugs. i don’t get 8 everyday. i don’t know, i guess i really believe in that especially since i am such a touchy person. as a substitute, i went back into training. eating healthy provides me with more energy, but it’s tiring since i have to prepare my meals ahead of time, which means i have to schedule my life.
so nothing’s really wrong with that – scheduling my life. i think it works for me because it does not give me time to think anymore of the next thing i have to do. i just have to follow the plan, and the next thing i know, i have to sleep for the next day. easy peazy.
but here’s the main problem – my heart has escaped for the past 2 months. it wasn’t at its happiest, but it was certainly free.
and now, although i know i promised myself i would try to balance my heart and my mind this year, my heart looks at me dissappointingly and says, “maybe next year bob, i don’t feel right here. but i’ll be okay. you did your best really. i’ll just go back later.”
my mind is tired too. but unlike heart, she is more in command. “life goes on”, she says. “you cannot be the victim here!you just have to keep on pushing! push bob!!!! push!!” and i do. (for some reason, mind has a british accent.)
i go through this process every single day. heart slowly peeping out of her room, seeing if everything is clear, and then just retreating back into her room. she’s happy okay that way.
at this point, it would be great to suddenly burst out into queen’s “i want to break free” and dance around (possibly tearing out my law books and stuff)
but i don’t.
i have to take a bath so i can go to rex and buy my books, hit national bookstore since i’m out of ink, go to the mall and repair my flats, go to the grocery for my food this week.
(but i do play my i want to break free song and headbang a bit.)