i could have. but i didn’t.

I could have made you love me. I could have done the right things, moved the right way, fit into the space you needed filled. I could have made you forget the others. I could have made you stop yourself in sentences starting with “I love—”

I’m being told to embrace myself, be self-reliant, self-sufficient, self-self-self but it’s getting boring. And lonely. And for nineteen years, give or take a month here and there, it’s been a lot of the self. Sometimes I just wanna do something for someone else, for someone else to be proud of me, to be happy for or because of. But a reciprocated something for someone else. You know?

I’m always thinking of calling you or finding you. How are you? What’s happened since we last talked? Have you found your peace?

Anything for love, anything for love.

-love notes


Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

5 thoughts on “i could have. but i didn’t.”

  1. bob marley called.
    he said he wants bobsie here. XD
    why are you there while i am here? 😦
    cheer up, all these self self self things you but another way to identify a more worth while selfless act.
    then you’ll know you had found peace.

  2. i know!!!! we must meet up and be veggies with pili nuts and kitkats before going crazy ass busy with being a studon’t again.
    make may available, will you? 😀

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