here is something

I saw your name and my stomach started to churn. I decided to investigate further, despite the feeling I was going to vomit. And lo! you still get it! Of course, of course you do. And if I were to explain that to anyone it would be so hard, especially to you. And even though it’s been over a year I can’t push down this terrible feeling. It’s only been two weeks from him and I already feel OK to text him and ask what that Indian restaurant was because my friend from high school wants some good Indian food since she’s never had it, ever. But I still don’t feel like I can talk to you, even if I absolutely needed to, even if it were in person, by chance, that we saw each other.

I don’t know why some things are so much harder, so much worse than others. I do know that you’d say things like he said, say things like “No, you don’t, you’d be wasting your talent” and “I want you to take care of me” and mean them both so sincerely despite the contradiction. I do know that you’d at least smile when I stopped everything to read to you the sentence, paragraph, page, that made me exclaim aloud, even on the subway. I do know that things would have been wonderful if it’d been the right time.

– love notes

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s