i have a full day later. i must go to school for graduation practice and then in the afternoon, i have an interview with one of the schools i might go to for law.
i still feel that i’m not fully on board with this new beginning in my life, and i don’t know how long i would last. it started with a, “ok, let’s try applying – ” no. cross that – i had no say on the application process, the test permits were just handed to me fully paid.
i think it started with ” let’s just see if i would pass.”
and then i did.
when mom got the results from one of the schools, she called me up and she was BAWLING over the phone. she was so happy and told me she felt that i already passed the bar exams.
kemon mom, that was just an entrance test.
but i do understand that joy. to finally be able to get to the point that you’ve been waiting for so very long. not to mention overcoming the fear that it might never come true. i guess the thought that i gave her that kind of happiness is my consuelo de bobo. she is my mom. and yes, i guess i’m a people pleaser that way.
but until when does her dreams for me end as i start weaving my own?
i’m not even so sure anymore what kind of dreams i want to weave as the roads seem to go the other way.
my only consolation would be that no one really know what they’re doing anyway. direk didn’t give us away to our parents complete with a manual.
it’s just me and the wind.
i’ve made up my mind. i will be happy where i am. i must be happy where i am or i will go crazy. let’s see if i can do this mind over matter(heart) concept.
but as i type these words my heart throws a tantrum, “NOOO.. PLEASE. PLEASE!! LISTEN and play our favorite game!! it’s not a coincidence that “the scientist” is playing in your shuffle. that’s me pleading.”
nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part.
nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.
oh take me back to the start.