after valentine’s day

e kasi nga nagpaparamdam ka, and sometimes i just have to accept that

i do get lonely.

and sometimes i need a hug from someone taller and stinkier (i like musky smells) than me. when i see couples walking by, nose to nose, eyes all squinty from the brightness they exude, sometimes i wish i was one of them too.
it’s not jealousy. i wouldn’t want their partner to be mine. i guess for now you can call it
yearning.

because i know how that feels like. i can close my eyes and see you, in front of me and that sweet powdery (obviously from the laundry) scent of yours. only when i open my eyes, it’s just my own staring back at me. most of the time. and sometimes, when i concentrate real hard, i can feel you right beside me in that little hideaway. and that brings me joy. and that reminds me, “THIS IS WHAT I WANT. THIS IS WHAT I NEED.”

what i’m scared of the most is waiting for something that wasn’t meant for me in the first place. sabi nga ni benjamin, “your life is defined by its opportunities.. even the ones you missed.” and i keep thinking, ” have i missed any opportunity at all?”

yes. yes i have and somewhere at the back of my head i pray that all this waiting is not being done in vain.

i think i have to rephrase that. waiting is such a drudging word. it makes me think of chains and empty bus stops and those numbers you get when you order something. let us not wait and live my life each day.

i do get impatient sometimes, Direk. sorry naman. tao parin.

or maybe it was meant to play out that way. just like when Harry met Sally, or the ever so sappy Serendipity. ah, who would really know? i’m pretty sure Direk is snickering again, “hay nako bob, kung tinatype mo na ba yung thesis mo ngayon kesa sa gumagawa ka ng entry jan. pero i understand that you have to let it out. you just be patient and see what i have instore for you. yours is a life that i never planned to be boring.”

okay fine. sige Direk. sabi mo eh!

ay, ang daming laman ng utak ko. nakakairita. i guess that’s what you get after a whole day marathon of love movies and what nots.

here are the sure things in my life right now: i am graduating this year and i am not settling for anything less this time.

so.. sorry. guess i’m busting your ball again. you’re prolly what i WANT right now, but not what i need.

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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