in which i am in the middle of reading Eat, Pray, Love

i first came across this book when marsh pushed (more of forced, actually) me to read page 197 during a time when i felt lost, and very much alone. since i was in my catatonic stage, this actually pricked my heart and caused it to bleed. if i remember it correctly, i didn’t cry, but definitely, my heart bled.

with those couple of pages stained in my heart, i slowly tried to get back on my feet, and “opened the doorway” to let love rush in my life. and i’ve always wanted a copy of the book.

apparently, everyone else felt the same way and until last friday, i wasn’t able to buy my own copy because either it was out of stock, or i was out of money.

so here i am, still in the first chapter of the book, where our very brave author just arrived in Italy. so really, all of that was just an intro to what i wanted to talk about.

looking at the cover of the book, it made me realize these are the things that are – or should be – the only things important in my life. and for this entry, i shall try to update how am i with these things.

EAT.

we don’t have to worry so much about this part. i am gaining weight, and honestly if i don’t do anything about it soon, i will get to a point where i will have to start buying new clothes. mejo sumisikip na ang mga pantalon ko and napapansin kong nagkakalaman na ang cheeks ko.

i have to admit that i’m a stress eater. and ever since june of this year, i started binging on food. it seems stress is coming from all sides – family, work, money, school and love – apparently too much for me to handle and i resorted to eating more comfortably. maybe also because i’ve watched  what i’ve eaten for so long that i guess i decided to let go and let my body enjoy. somehow, my mantra of “moderation is key” was flushed along with the remnants of my stress eating. as i type this entry, i’m currently munching on calamares and sotanghon and watching “don’t give up on us” in Cinema One.  what can i do, masarap talagang kumain.

so as of this moment, there is more bob to love and hold. still processing if i like this feeling or not. kung hindi, edi ibahin!

PRAY.

i haven’t attended worship for the longest time. there are so many things to be thankful for but haven’t had the chance to talk to direk in worship. but let me clarify this: just because i haven’t attended worship doesn’t mean me and direk has lost contact. di naman yan nawawala sa tabi ko. one thing is for sure, i’ve been watching the sunrise and staring at the full moon more often and smile to myself realizing only Him can do such wonders. and if He would be able to make day and night for the entire world, my problems and my worries would just be a warm up for His day.

kapit lang, diba Direk? dami pang instore for me.

LOVE.

ah.. love. that general word that seems to make the world go round, or more personally, smaller and bigger at the same time.  it seems that i’ve come to experience love in so many different ways this year, and each one of them more profound than the next.

next week, marsh is getting married. and i couldn’t be more happier or excited for her.  seeing the both of  them together reminds me of what i really want and need – and i think more importantly – what i deserve. i’m still single.  i hasn’t really been that long – 6 months, more or less – but really, i don’t mind.  it’s not as if love has d/eluded me these past few months, but once thing i’ve come to realize is that i know what i want. no more settling for anything less. whoever said that “anything less than mad, passionate love is a waste of time” must have fallen down a couple of times to know the difference. i know i’ve come to realize that in between sunrise and sunsets, coffees and cigarettes.

so am i in love?  i have to say that i am. in all the grandeur and simplicity of that word, i believe life is not worth living if we refuse to love – or at least, open to the possibility of loving again.

but for now, gragraduate muna ako. less than 5 months na lang yon.🙂

i’m out.

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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