muy Mama

Mama (my lola) was rushed to the hospital last saturday night and today we visited her. Praise God that she was in high spirits when we got there and even though we know she is in pain, she likes her having pictures taken of her.
She is already 92 years old and she’s been through a lot already. She was able to raise 6 children, of course, together with my late Lolo, even though she only got to Grade 4. and now, after a long hard journey, she constantly tells us that she is already tired, and would just like to go home back with my Lolo.

during this visit, she suffered another attack. i was beside her in the exact moment the attack happened. i remember it so clearly because we were about to leave already and i was saying goodbye to her and telling her that i will visit her again soon. since the room was cold, i asked her if she was cold and she nodded. the next thing i know, my brother said that her BP was up to 225 and the nurses came rushing to her side.
on a lighter note, i realized that i can never be a doctor at that moment. when the doctors and the nurses calmly, but efficiently stepped in. my mind froze and rushed to the side, then out the ICU and watched her from the window. the whole time during this attack, she was awake, and i’m pretty sure aware of her surroundings. what made it harder for me was that she was looking at me and my brother, who was already beside me outside the ICU. it was like nothing was happening to her. i heard the flat line but she was still moving. they had to shock her heart and the moment they did, i saw her wince in pain. i can’t believe she felt that.
it was my first experience of a near-death situation. actually, she already died, but she was just brought back to life.
i’ve never had a death in my family before, so this is really something new to me. honestly speaking, i’m not that close to my lola. i’ve always wanted a grandmother like the ones i read in books that spoil their grandchildren to rot, but i’ve never had that. still, Mama is the only biological grandmother i’ve known.
i remember she would always always ask if we already ate, and would gladly give whatever she had everytime we visit her.
and now i’m scared.
what do you pray for someone who has lost all will to live?
she’s been in the hospital more frequently these past couple of months, and as i always say, she’s already in the bonus round. and if you ask her, she just really would like to rest already.
please pray for my Mama, that she finds the peace that she’s looking for. ultimately, i would want her to be happy. she has lead a very long and colorful life.


Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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