when i was younger, i used to be scared of this reading.
The time has come and the kingdom of God is close at hand. REpent and believe the good news. -Mk 1:15
i used to think this was a warning and parang nananakot na IF I DONT do this or that, God will punish me. it felt more like a threat na mamamatay nako, so be good, repent, OR ELSE.
yet now it feels more of a safety net. i feel relieved that He is coming back and if i read and believe in the good news, things will be okay.
there was this crossword i was answering in the National Library when i was around 8 years old, and it was a picture of a building half-burning, the floors were cracked and people looked really scared. i asked my mom what the picture meant and she said that it was the “end of the world”. after that, i was just scared shitless.
i can also remember a couple of times when it was supposed to be the “end of the world” (1999, kasi pag binaligtad mo 666, nung 2000 kasi end of the century, basta small things like this) and i would lie awake thinking the earth would open up and swallow me whole. i was thinking, i am too young to die, i haven’t achieved anything.
there was also a time when i was still in Prep that i kept on crying because i was so scared. i didn’t want to die. my mom just kept on assuring and consoling me that only the bad girls are afraid of the end of the world.
i still haven’t read the Revelations again, but i have a feeling it won’t be as scary anymore.