i am still high from my SE weekend, and i believe Direk was able to finally speak freely with me.
he said to me, “why do you seek a love so temporary? when i have loved you always? serve me and be an example to others how my love can set you free.”
love is such a strong word. i spent the 1st and 2nd day of my weekend trying to humanize direk’s infinite love for me. what a fool! i tried to believe i can actually grasp and understand the grandness of His love. i wanted to hear my own version. i foolishly interpreted it to what i want. it was only on the 3rd day i was able to hear him fully.
tonight was my 1st corporate worship, and there were times i felt like i was actually in heaven hearing His angels sing praises to Him. how is it that so many voices can sound so melodious without fine-tuning of a piano or a guitar? these people singing are your normal people – i doubt if most of them ever joined a chorale, or actually have a fine-tuned ear for notes, but for some reason, they blend so well. i don’t understand what they say, but i feel that the roof of Santuario opens and directly hits Direk up there. or better yet, parang ibinaba mo si Direk dito, and conducted the whole thing. it still amazes me.
the passage today says, “I have loved you with an everylasting love, so I am constant in my affection for you.” (Jer 31:3)
i was struck by 2 words in the passage – EVERLASTING and CONSTANT. once again, i am reminded that He was always with me. even before i was born, before even my parents even met each other until after i die, His love is everlasting. even during at times i have forsaken Him and forgotten that He was there, during the times I have shunned Him and doubted Him, and even at times when I blamed Him and gotten angry at Him, His love is constant. how can i humanize something so pure and sincere?
i am a very touchy person. i love giving and receiving hugs from mostly anyone. i believe hugs are one of the most sincere forms of affection – even more affectionate than kisses – because it involves the whole body. you are opening your whole body to someone and for a few seconds, when you finally hug, you actually become one entity. holding on and supporting each other all at the same time.
and it is only now that i feel secure and happy – akalain mo yon – i was always loved! ang tanga-tanga ko din paminsan-minsan. minamaliit ko ang pagmamahal ni Direk.
still, this remains a great challenge to me – to love as much as Direk loves us. and that is super hard. but as said a while ago during worship, if i let Direk use me, if i let myself be an instrument of His love, it wouldn’t be that hard. when you think of it, He is actually doing all the work. the least we can do is be cooperative, diba?
it’s wonderful to know that i am always loved – imperfect and human as i am – He loves me perfectly.
What more must i ask for? 🙂