currently listening to: Ikaw Forever – Brownman Revival
currently feeling: refreshed
my entries to my blogs are decreasing rapidly. but it doesn’t mean that there’s nothing happening in my life. in fact, so many things are happening i just can’t sit down and simmer in this feeling.
i guess there are things right now that seem so much clearer than ever, and i do not contest or negate these things.
i understand it when people say there’s a time for everything. and there is. there’s a time for work, a time for play and a time for rest. i finally made time for me to rest. i have accepted the fact that people do need time to sleep.. and i shouldn’t be afraid of tomorrow not coming because if it never did, i wouldn’t really know right?
i think i was very scared of Tomorrow, which explained my hunger of satisfying Today. that’s why i jsut partied hard, and never settled for the what-ifs. i thought “let’s just do everything today, for tomorrow will never come anyway…” and i did everything recklessly, and sometimes even dangerously. i justified my indescisiveness with that single quote.
now don’t get me wrong, i’m still very indescisive at times… still not knowing what food to order in a restaurant or which uniform i should use today.. but i realized that there are just a couple of things that you can fit into Today, because these Things belong to Today, and not Tomorrow. Tomorrow would have it’s own itenerary, and if it doesn’t come, it means it wasn’t meant for me.
does this mean i let destiny really rule over me?
but i still call the shots on what to do about it. Destiny might have brought me here, but ulitimately, it’s my choice whether i fuck it up or suck it all in.
i’ve done pretty wild and reckless things over the past 10 years of my life, right now, i am reaping the effects of those choices. i wouldn’t bother writing down every single thing, but definitely i’ve fucked up a time or two and sometimes, it’s really hard to follow through. but i will.
you know why?
because every single one of my choices led to this ultimate moment.
and now i understand that when youu ultimately love someone, things may be harder than before, but at the end of the day, it’s still okay. you decide that it’s okay and you let go of everything else. for the first time in my life, i didn’t say, look, i’m going to stay with you and stare deeply in to your eyes because i’m afraid tomorrow will take you away from me, so to hell with everyone else.” but i said, hold my hand, while i deal with the fucked up things in my life and at the same time, do what i got to do as of this moment. i still don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but i know one thing’s for sure, i’m going to work hard so that whatever it is tomorrow gives us, we’ll be ready.”
so Tomorrow, just bring it on. absolutely no regrets. I KNOW i’m on the right track.