in which during that time, it felt it was the right thing to do.

this post is 2 days overdue. by now, (surprisingly) i’m not as swollen as i thought i should be. in fact, it doesn’t hurt anymore, or bleed, or itch, or prick.
it has gracefully adjusted to my body. it has now become a part of me.
honestly, it wasn’t as horrible as i thought it would be. just like any “first time” thing you do with your life, there is the fear of the unknown. people have tried explaining to me how much it hurts, but there’s nothing better than experiencing it myself.
so does it hurt?
of course it did. there would be some moments that i would not feel the pain. my body would relax, and then – suddenly – i would feel it all over again. i felt it slice through my skin. it nearly felt that it would go right through my bones. and then i would relax again.
totoo naman pala na parang kagat lang sha ng langgam. pero ung langgam, forever kang kinakagat. isa lang ung langgam, pero non-stop ung pagkagat niya!! kakainis.
my session was about 30 minutes to an hour. i wouldn’t really remember. all i know was that during the time i was getting marked,i was able to describe the room i was in FULL DETAIL. from the texture of the walls (it was carpeted) to the pattern of the tiled floors. then there was a moment i nearly broke the chair i was sitting in (i was in an awfully uncomfortable position during the session) and then by the end, i was just staring at it.
face your fears, bob i heard my mind say.
easy for her to say, since she wasn’t the one who would be looking at it. but i did anyway.
it wasn’t a pretty sight, i can tell that much. i can hear my mom going on and on about how we are not supposed to stain the body given by God.. how i would not be able to donate blood, and why in the world would i want to hurt myself.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
but when it was finished, me and marsh had this funny smile in our faces. i felt kilig. i felt wonderfully scarred. that no matter how much people would be able to judge the way i look, or how i act, there was something i knew that they would never know, unless, of course i showed it to them. it was empowering.
i didn’t feel dirty at all! i felt more like a soldier with battle scars. i felt proud of what we did.
i was telling my marsh that this was the highlight of our friendship. we both conquered something that we were scared of. mine was pretty shallow. although people would not be surprised of me doing something like this, the fact is, i WAS terrified of needles. i wouldn’t even get my shots. my blood was only taken once, and it took around 30 minutes to psych me up. my boyfriend then had to bribe me new shoes just so i would go on with the check-up (i just remembered i got more than shoes. hehe.). marsh is not the kind of girl who you would think of doing crazy things like this. she has this girl-next-door image. and she’s not scared of needles. the point is, we were able to stretch our limitations, and end up learning something new. and permanent to that matter.
our relationship with our design is very intimate. we conceptualized it, picked the words, and did the design ourselves.
i would like to share with you how we came up with it, but i think, it would be better if we just kept it to ourselves. there’s no point in explaining our sides to the rest of the world. all we know is, in everything that we did in this world, and we fell flat in our faces, we honestly felt it was the right thing to do.
but we should be humbled at the fact that not everything we thought to be right is correct. that’s why we still have
Direk peering over our shoulders. i can just imagine Direk laughing during our sessions. well, Direk, we only aim to please you.
i honestly think that i would get a new one soon. after this one has healed. 🙂 me and marsh has a couple of more concepts. pero if not, i think we’re going to make it a shirt nalang. bahala na si batman.
the next time i get hurt, i would just look at my side and remember what i went through. and i think, i can honestly say, kung kaya ko ung sakit na to, wala na to. it will not kill me!
for now, magpapabakuna nako. kaya ko na e. 🙂


Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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