07.11.06

funny that this has to happen today.
the whole day i was trying to conceptualize a good entry. the last few entries had no sense whatsoever. anyway, i was already thinking of writing how i feel.
i have been free for almost 6 months now. it was hell.. but i didn’t die. i am still breathing and still walking, walking, walking. it’s funny how fast life can change by the blink of an eye. but one thing’s for sure, i am not coming back.
it’s rare that i stick to my decision. being a true Libran, i take it seriously when they say that Librans are indecisive. i am definitely one of them. kung ano gusto ko, ginagawa ko, kung kayang ibigay, ibibigay. always on the safe side of the road less traveled. i have been in 3 colleges already, enough said.
but the past 2 weeks, i’ve been nurturing this feeling. it’s something new to me. it’s something that i thought would come later on pa. believing that i should give more respect to what i went through earlier this year. thinking i would get that back in return.
this feeling started as denial. i didn’t want to believe that it was going to be ok. then it became hope. hope that maybe he would change his mind. summer came and i gained new friends, had new experiences i thought i would never go through.i learned to be independent once again. hope became acceptance. i knew i had to keep moving. the world will never stop for me. i had crushes, i became attracted and attractive at the same time. i giggled more often, i wrote more, took more pictures because i saw how valuable life could be, how fast it can change in a blink. i held on to good friends, took out the people i know would hinder me from growing. most of all, i accepted who i am. acceptance finally became letting go. the cycle is complete. i am someone new.
this isn’t about you anymore. this is my life. today i can thank you for everything you taught me. the day you told me you were confused was the day i was supposed to understand myself. this is your sacred contract with me. and now that we are through, i don’t think i can hate you. i wouldn’t be who i am right now without you. wag ka na mag-alala. ok nako.

Don’t Love You No More – Craig David
For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately
you’ve been acting so cold (didn’t you say)
if there’s a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don’t want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly game
don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
it’s not me who’s been going round slamming doors

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I’ve made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn’t make sense to me now that you’re gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

and don’t even think for a second that i am sad. i may be alone, but i am not loveless. i got someone making me smile everyday. he might not know it yet, but that’s a new hurdle for me to tackle. i’ve crossed your hurdle already. time for a new one. besides, as i always say, i can wait for my prince charming. we have a whole lifetime to spend with each other. so i got to thank you for that as well.🙂

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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