in which i know exactly what’s bothering me but i just can’t put it down

SIGH.

yun yun e. isang malaking sigh.
let’s try to put this swirming mind into good perspective.
what did i do today?
wala naman mashado…
woke up late, which means everything else is late.
did my 30 minute run late, which made my 1st meal late, which made me tamad to go out. was able to see the newspaper clipping with my picture on it (uhh.. whopee? – oh yeah, if any of you have a copy of philippine star, may 5 edition, can i have it? i don’t even have the newspaper clipping of bikini bodies.. ano ba yan…) only to find it in the garbage can, wet and yucky with yucky stuff since my lola thought it was trash… went out, did my laundry, cooked food and went out. oh, my cellphone is not working. it’s not actually mine, but joseph got his phone back, and now i am using a 5110, which is not compatible to the 8 nokia chargers i have here at home. went to mega to meet up with joseph, only he was not there anymore. met up with jona in figaro, smoked and did not buy anything at all, borrowed her 8210 which so happened was compatible with hopefully 5 out of the 8 chargers i have, but the battery goes bonkers from time to time. by 530 went back to the gym,showed allaine my pics (well, pic for that matter, i am still not able to go to marketing because they transferred already to adriatico, and i have never been to adriatico. my gift packs and pictures are still with them. attended his class for the first time. it was fun, it was intense, but not as intense as i wanted it to be since his routine is really hard. but then, great things start from small beginnings, which means i would really really really have to join his classes if i want to improve my skills. i know i can do it, it’s just that i was kinda pressured and i wanted to pull of the routine and the different options since i am able to do it in the other classes already. but i have to remember my basics first. anyway, did aero for 1 and a half hour, got tired, showered and changed. went back to figaro to smoke. i had 2 parties tonight, one from a former batch mate in qc and another in alabang. i didn’t attend in any of them since i didn’t have money. i also had a dinner date planned, but i had to cancel since my phone isn’t working (ok that didn’t make sense at all… ok.. i cancelled kasi i was not able to contact him where to meet, but when i finally got to contact him i was already home, and lazy) finished my cigarettes, went to buy gonuts donuts, went to tandang sora to buy new dvds, bought chips, watched ice age and now i’m playing sims and making my blog at the same time.
so what’s bothering me?
i know what is exactly bothering me, it’s just that i don’t want to write it down. writing it down makes it more real. it’s better like this, thinking that it’s just a dream, it stays on my mind without anyone finding about it. but i am ok. if i keep telling myself i’m ok, maybe i will believe myself.
i hate this heavy feeling at my chest. i feel helpless. and if there’s one thing i hate feeling it’s feeling helpless and weak. that’s why i go to the gym, so i remember how strong i am.
i’ll be staying here until i am able to see the screen twice, and keep staring at my sim until i fall to sleep, then when i finally can’t open my eyes anymore, i’ll go to bed, open my laptop and put in a movie and stare at it til i fall asleep.
tomorrow i will do my new routine for my tuesday class. it’s the first time i will see them, so i better make a good impression. i was able to do 2 cd’s today which i will sell soon. hopefully the other teachers would like it.. and not pirate it so i have a steady income.
my side hurts. no it really does. i think i strained myself too much the other day while doing my back. tried to do 115 again… i forgot that i kinda stopped for 2 weeks so i have to keep it low first.. mejo nabigla ko sha. either that or during bench… a basta i’m not sure if im injured or not.
my tummy’s getting big. nawawala na ung lower abs ko.. now i’m just left with 4. damn.. i keep eating good food. mejo nagsawa ako sa good food. i want something unhealthy. but now i am kinda missing my eggs.. and my tuna.. so maybe tomorrow i will go back on my diet. maybe.
i’m running out of things to say.. or to think. maybe i just better park it.

it’s the 7th today. i’m sure you don’t even remember. anyway, it’s just a date. nothing special.

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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