super randomness

i havent posted enough lately.

in fact, i haven’t posted at all.. but i had so many things in mind.

let me correct myself, i HAVE a lot of things in mind.

and i have come to the conclusion that i can amuse myself easily.

i have the answers to the questions that are bothering me.. but still,i can’t get it off my mind.

i was talking to a friend earlier this week because for some reason he was always up at the weirdest times of the day, and since that was the arrangement, he suffered the best.

good thing he was really patient with me.

anyway, so i kept running around circles and he just told me

chill ka lang. stop making assumptions and for petes sake will you feel happy that you’re going home and stop trying to mess you coming back without it even happening!!

that really felt like a cyber batok to me. in my mind i can see myself walking around in circles with my friend in the middle and then suddenly he just stands up and whacks me dead straight at the nape.

and you know it’s true..all these months i have waited for nothing else but this moment..yet i haven’t savored it at all.

in a few days (YES FEW DAYS) i will be back where i know i will always belong.. and yes i am happy about it.

BUT.

with everything that is happening to me right now (and thats pertaining to my brother and our financial expenses) somethings telling i shouldn’t be here anymore AGAIN. which is really weird becuase i have made up my mind on finishing my studies here.

a lot tell me that its my destiny to be here. i got my visa in a breeze. so did my college applications. im choosing between 3 pa. papa josh is willing and so want to go here. those are SIGNS!!

but then my dad got sick, my brother got into an accident all within a month. money is getting harder to harvest.

in the long run it is very beneficial for me to finish my school here.. but then, right now, i really think its not the right decision.

hay.. here i am again thinking too much. and my mom complains that i don’t even think of my future.

e ano tong ginagawa ko!?!?!?

EWAN KO BA. EWAN KO TALAGA

okay. to make my super unorganized brain a bit organized for a minute or two, i shall enumerate what i feel,think or whatever pops in to myself.

1. i love papa j. more than ever i realize the shortcomings i have.. and somehow all my unanswered questions still ends up me realizing i love him.. parang it begins and ends there.he’s not the perfect guy yet i strive to love him perfectly. after all is said and done, although he’s the most boring sloth i’ve ever met, i still see the good in him. THIS MUST BE LOVE PARE.

2. as much as i hate first impressions, or impressions itself, i have to live with it.. our society thrives with first impressions and what nots. its hard enough for people to see what you really are even if you are already being yourself, and then you go add on another mask!? its useless. really.

3. i love my family. even if it means sacrificing my future for my brother’s future, i would do so. i just hope i don’t get to that point.

4.too much thinking is bad.

5.money indeed makes the world go fucking around.

6. before i take off the splinter on the eye of my neighbor, i should first take the log off mine.

7. i really wish i win the lotto.

8.(this is a scary thought) i love skirts. i love it with my boots. and not the long skirts okay.. im talking about the really small ones. not the micro mini ones, but just short enough. i like shorts.. the small ones.. not as in pekpek shorts (pardon my french) but short as in shorts that i would never wear back home. i love the diversity here.. no one seems to care if your fat cellulites are hanging droopily on the sides of your tummy.. or if your legs are big enough to be mistaken for a tree trunk. everyone can where definitely what they want. in the philippines, a little bulge on the stomach and it would be a crime to wear even just a hanging shirt. and i am enjoying the wide splash of colors here.. although i know when i get back to the philippines i would be wearing my trademark flares and tanks. (not to mention my new collection of kinky undies!! YAYE!!!) my shades will always remain with me no matter what. hahaha.

9. i love fish.. i have been in the fish diet for almost a month now.i do take in meat once in a while, but my tounge has grown accustomed to salmon and trout. yummy. when i go back home i swear i will pig out shrimps in Seaside.

10. i wish i win the lotto.

11. i’m so rumbly in my tumbly.. time to munch an early brunch.. ( hey, i did say i would write everysingle thing that pops into my head.)

12. i think there are really such things as money trees.. the thing is, if it was that easy to make, everybody would just have it,and it wouldn’t be as important. plus, if someone did manage to plant it, it would be really bad for them coz then everyone would be after their money tree.

13.home is where the heart is. and my heart is back with my friends and family in Manila.

and in a few days, i’ll be home.

i’m out.

*i just read my whole entry again, and boy was that some random thoughts. i better go to sleep. was thinking of further editing it, but.. i think its better this way. Ü*

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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