i’m so sad i can’t even conjure a new poem to explain how i feel. basta all i know is that i feel sad.
if there was one thing that i’m really not good at its defining how i feel. “bull’s eye-ing” my feelings. i know how to call them in general, but i really have a hard time saying why i feel that way.
i didn’t get to talk with joshua today. and although before i would talk to him for 10 minutes or so, parang that was enough na pala for me. i feel so empty, yet still full.. ang labo.
empty because i miss him more than the people in Alaska missing the sun for 6 months (did i get my facts straight?). yet, i feel full, kasi in the back of the back of my head, i know its just a phase. i know we can do this.
but of course, knowing me, the drama queen.. i have so many theories in mind…i feel like im a pitcher under a streaming faucet, and then when the water hits the brim, the faucet stops… and i’m at peace. parang ganon…
i feel bad but then i feel good.
i wish there was a machine invented to suck my brain and analyze my feelings for me. but if that does happen, life wouldn’t be as exciting as it has been for me.
but i don’t want an exciting life anymore.. i just want a simple one with joshua.. i mean, is that too much to ask for?
i feel so sad but i don’t feel shattered at all.. my mind just keeps telling me, “ano ba bob…trust me.. kaya natin to.”
the schizo in me once again appears.
all these time, joshua has been so strong for me.. and its funny really, coz people tend to think that i’m the strong one in the relationship.. little do they know, joshua is the one carrying the burden for me.. aww man, this just makes me love him more and more.
my future is still uncertain, i don’t know what path i’m going to lead, if i should stick with the norms or take the road less travelled.
but i know this for sure; i love him.. and whatever my future will be, as long as its him and me, i know i’m going to be alright.