music: Let Me Know – Aaliyah
i am just letting the days roll by. i dont even bother looking at the date. i have no sense of time whatsoever.
today as the babies slept their naps i laid in my bed and looked at my room upside down feet up, half of my body in the bed, and half on the floor. i stayed like that for as long as i can. i got up and got head rush. looked at the clock. 15 minutes. i kept repeating that until i already wasted a good hour and a half.
i didnt even ponder on anything. my mind was a total blank. not even a song or a line or a picture in my mind. what i see in my eyes are the only thing that registered in my brain. carpet. shoes. uniforms. blue. white. all of them came one by one. i just got up coz one of the babies were crying already.
some might say its a sign of insanity. some might say its a sign of boredom.
i say its a sign of my excitement.
i feel so giddy inside. its like cooking popcorn and then sealing it into a soundproof box. i am so excited that i don’t want to move at all, coz i feel if i do, i’d just explode.
i have yet to do my shopping list.. my quarterly statement from my bank came already.. and my account could be analogized to a catwalk model. its barely there, but its still alive.
ugh. bahala na talaga si batman.
i miss joshua so much. the past few days were bad for us..its like theres a drift between us and its really irritating me coz we’re so near to the end of this trip and now were having difficulty in communicating. aren’t these things supposed to happen during the start of a long distance relationship? argh.
this is really pathetic, but i do blame it on my monthly period. really. i get crazy on my first night.. and then joshua will get his “monthly period” too. its the way it is. and then it’ll just fade away.. quietly as it came to us. and then we’re back to normal.
awww.. i miss him heaps tuloy. its been quite a while since i wrote something about him. God knows ive been trying to stop myself from writing just about him. but he never leaves my mind. in everything that i do (yeah even spacing out) he’s with me. i dunno, i can’t explain it in words coz im not a poet or anything.. but he is.
i just thought about him. Ü there it goes again. Ü
funny after all these months and after all our differences and spats i still smile remembering him. and yeah, that’s enough for me to keep me going. im nearly there in his arms.
i’m nearly home.