Cold Hands and Warm Birthday Greetings

mood: anxious
music: The Way You Look Tonight – Frank Sinatra

the tension around this house chokes me. as if my room isn’t cramped enough.

because of this i was suppose to retire early to bed (1st time in 4 months). but i can’t just lie down and sleep. the moment my head touched the pillow, thoughts, ideas, memories and feelings came in like a vacuum. then it gripped me cold.

i am going home soon. sooner than i can say asdirwejnfajs asdkljwierqiowuer qweirufa qeruahduv ozxiucu susu owieuapfaueyfasd and say the meaning of whatever i wrote. and it fucking hit me. i am not fucking ready.

once again randomness swarmed my head. what am i gonna wear?since im arriving at night and its suppose to be a fucking surprise, who the hell would pick me up? would i go straight to the condo or the house? my mom would be here in UK , we don’t have a driver anymore, and i don’t want my brother to drive that far. i have to rely on my friends then. still, i’m suppose to surprise them… pano yon?

i can take a taxi, then i’m sure my house in BF would know that i was going home. but then, that would be too late parin, i don’t want to bother them agad, i wanted sana to go there earlier. how about my pasalubongs? i can’t go home without buying at least something for people. (actually i have a list, but until now it remains a list) how about my ticket going home? i wonder if my credit card can max it out? its just a couple of hundred pounds, and i haven’t used my credit card for..uh… a month i think. and i have no debt as of the moment. my bills will keep running here (i.e. broadband, phone line and cellphone bill) but i won’t be earning money.. how the hell am i suppose to pay for them when right now i have around 50 in my bank account? will i bring my clothes? coz if im not, i really have to go home to BF kaagad, but then i kinda got attached to a couple of clothes already here. i just have to bring my boots. the nice comfy ones. i wonder what my luggage limit is? what would i bring? I STILL DONT HAVE MY ACCEPTANCE LETTERS!!!!

thats what’s bothering me the most. i have 2 offerings already, but the letter i need to bring to the Embassy isn’t here yet. i have another interview this July 7.. but even that would mean a later acceptance letter again and i’m leaving soon after that.. but my mom would be here anyway so it’ll be okay right?

argh. that of all things is bothering me. (and a couple of pasalubongs that i really want to buy) i don’t know what to do. .well, at least i still have my LOA in La Salle so its all good. it can always be a fall back.. but then, everything that i have saved for is already in the new school i was suppposed to go to. ohhh noh. this smells like trouble brewing. i hope not.

seriously my hands are sooo cold. it’s like im excited to go home but there are so many things going on my head. basta all i know is that i want to go home. i want to feel free for a while. its like my parole.. tama ba? i’m not too sure. i’m not asking for eternal happiness, i just want my piece of heaven.. for a month or so. and i can live for another 7 months with that. not bad.. not bad at all.

on a lighter note, its Joey Reyes’ birthday yesterday. Joey boy is one of my first boy friends (yes with a space, please). Amazing with mathematics and logic, has a killer look and a dopey smile. we don’t talk most of the time but boy, when we do, i tell him EVERYTHING. don’t ask me why. he’s just one of those rare people that i just have to tell everything to and funny thing is he doesn’t need to say it. and if i have a secret, i just have this urge to tell him. (thus, making it not a secret anymore, right?)i miss him terribly and his dream of creating a multi level marketing/pyramid scheme. if all goes well into plan, i’ll join his scam. wahahaha.

today was chantal marie therese josephine cubelo umali’s birthday. mare for short. i love saying her whole name. its so damn long. haha. my soul mate.. hayop. if i can tell joey everything, i don’t have to tell this girl ANYTHING yet she knows me. and she’s the only one who i allow to call me tanga. may act tough most of the time but deep down is as stupid as me.. although she just brings it more gracefully than i do. in her case its called wisdom. (gee i hope she doesn’t read this.) called her up a while ago and i didn’t have a card so my phone bill next month would be devastatingly high again and will further infect my already gangrene covered debts. (eww bob, the metaphors are horrible) hay. PERA PERA PERA. puro nalang PERA. i wish i can defecate money.. or grow it in trees. i promise if that happens to me ill give away money.. for a price. HAHA. labo ko talaga. i guess i better go now.

my hands are still freaking cold. i dunno what to do. maybe i’ll try to sleep it off. bahala na.

i’m out.


Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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