to the one i nearly had

to the one i nearly had,

i apologize for writing so openly in public. its funny, that i get to share to the whole world what i feel for you and yet, when you’re near, i get to do nothing at all. you may never know how i truly feel, but at least, the whole world knows its not easy for me. and maybe, its not easy for you too.

i have no intention of getting anything back in return. in fact, i wish i don’t get anything in return. i don’t wish to hurt more people than i have already done.

i feel that i am destined to have one unrequited love. somehow i always felt that even as i could give my everything to someone, it still can never be enough. thus, my unrequited love. you would never have what i couldn’t have given you at all.

i know i don’t make much sense now, and i don’t think i ever will. but still, i have to do this letter. i have to let it out. the uncertainty and the vagueness of our situation eats me alive everyday, feeding on my growing emotions for you.

you got away because i was stupid, and it hurts to say that i still am. so i apologize once again for pushing you away from me. please, never ever think that i wanted you to go, the more i pushed you away, the more my heart begged you to stay. somehow, the words “please don’t leave me, i need you tonight ” got tangled up with, “goodbye, ill see you tomorrow”. and i don’t blame you if you didn’t hear it. i used the wrong words afterall.

so do i love you? i dread to answer the question, but the answer swirls around my head. i don’t need to shout it out loud, it seeps through my pores and run through my veins. i don’t want to say it, because even if i do, i know, i don’t deserved to be loved anymore by someone like you. you have given me way too much, too soon. and i just threw it all away. i took you forgranted. i let you slip away. i made you fight the battle alone. and you, oh, you just took it all in with a laugh and a grin. i was blind and now that i can see, i wish i was blind again.

who knows, maybe someday, some lifetime, it’ll be our time together. and i can wait, i can patiently wait as you have patiently waited for me. for now, all i can do is smile, and be happy with my unrequited love with you. let my unseen love glow from within and be shared with the rest of the world, but not to you. alas, not to you.

you know who you are, and i wouldn’t be surprised if someday, by chance of fate or destiny, you stumble across this letter. i want you to smile and see that all that you have done was not in vain. in fact, i will yearn for you even more, til the next life, until finally, you rest in my arms again.

Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

1 thought on “to the one i nearly had”

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