my dad got into a car accident last Monday, and i just found out about it today.
there were a lot of other things that i could have disscussed today prior to the statement made before this, but i just had to let it out of my system. i haven’t talked to my dad for almost a year now.
i never saw this coming.. well, who would ever be prepared to hear the news of someone they love being involved in an accident? no one. i have no idea how he is right now. i have to wait until tomorrow to find out, for now, all i can do is pray, pray, pray.
i have always been daddy’s little girl, although i grew up with my mom, i still had that unspoken and unseen bond with my dad. maybe its because i look like him so much. the face, the impossibly black, finely strand yet thick hair, the pwet, pare, and the walk.. i got it all from him.
thoughts crashed against my poor defensless body. not just sad, pessimistic ones, but the happy ones too. yesterday i talked about being happy and sad at the same time.. and that’s how i feel again right now.. i’m so scared of losing him.
he wasn’t the affectionate type. we are the same in that manner. i never tell my family i love them. but i’m there for my brother, i always hug my mom. he never fails to give us anything he has and yes, for a time, he provided. but we are both fiercely loyal to our friends. i love the way he was always laid back in blue jeans, a black belt, a white shirt with sleeves rolled up and the trade mark beachwalk chinelas. hair always slicked back and his mischievous eyes that always had a secret within. no doubt he is a great womanizer. he’s charming yet viciously stubborn, just like me. takes pride that “health is wealth” yet is a total chainsmoker- its so bad that he even smokes while he eats. he can’t even stop smoking anymore because it would harm him more than it be good for him.
when i was young never a week passed by that we didn’t eat out. eating good food was a luxury to him. we have combed Ongpin back and forth. and we were always eating, and eating. that was the way we bonded. that was his ultimate way to show that he loved us. i love going to the grocery with him. everytime i would like to buy something, say, a bag of chips, he would ask me, masarap ba yan? and i would reply, opo. and he would get a whole box of it. he was so scared that we would grow hungry. our pantry was never empty. we even had a fridge only designated for coke, fruits, ice cream and chocolates.. not to mention the mamons, ensaymadas and hopias which as present all the time. there was always a wide variety of chips and nuts.
my dad loves shoes. if there was one thing he really splurged on, it would be his shoes. he is so picky with it. it shouldn’t be hard on his feet, and it should be soft but shiny all the time. his favorite is Bass and Bally. and i guess that’s where i got my love for shoes. (although im not as picky as he is)
if there was one thing i didn’t get from my dad it was his obsessive compulsiveness in cleanliness. our house in Tondo is so clean that i always say that even the cockroaches have to take a bath before stepping inside the house. i never saw it dirty, or even unarranged for one bit. it was always imaculately clean. he takes pride on assembling his owner-type jeep. its pure stainless steel, upto the smallest bolt. even his workstation is spotless. not a speck of dust. nuts and bolts are arranged in boxes, even the tiniest needle has its own place. thats how OC he is.
i miss him. and right now, he’s the most important man in the world for me. he always has been my number one man. sure, he’s not perfect, no one is.. but i can never change the fact that he’s my father, and i love him because he is.
right now all i can do is imagine what has transpired these last 2 days. i do hope he’s okay. i’m pretty sure if things were grave they would have told me about it.