mood: determined
music: Everytime – Britney Spears

finally we have a house, got it
mortgaged..yadayadah..spent 4 damn hours on my whining arse because my niece was
sleeping in my lap waiting for my cousin to finish the papers and all that.
can’t whine really, since i would be sleeping in that house too..unless i plan
to move out.

papa j would be graduating soon,
and i’m pretty damn proud of him.Ü it took him a long time, but he got there..
paano pa ako? whether i do finish my degree in the Philippines or here,
the time would still be a constant variable..what matters of course, is the
expenses that i would be splurgung with.hehe.

papa j is really passionate in
helping me finish my studies. i have come to realize that i will shine in UK,
and not in the Philippines.. coming here has been a blessing afterall. it has
been – no. it is still – unbearably hard but afterall, what doesn’t kill me can only make me there..
its all good.

i can already forsee that the
things i would be facing would be as easy as going through an eye of a needle..
but after being depressed for 3 days now, (or has it been more than 3 days?
time flies when you’re being glum..) i guess its just a natural instinct for me
to bounce back. i cannot possibly stay morose for a super long period of time..
i guess i really have a short attention defect thingy.

what im trying to say is that being
here has made me think of MYSELF..away from everything else dear to me, i
finally understood how it is to finally love myself. its just gotta start
somewhere you know.. somewhere along the journey i have to take in something
too, or else, i would have nothing more to give. i can now say i know
what i want and im not scared to tell my mom about it already. and i

if i go back now to the
Philippines.. i know that i would just have the easy way out. not that we are
richer back home (while im actually earning more than my mom right now…) but i
know whether or not i prove something SPECTACULAR.. life would be fine for me..
because all my life back home, all i did was follow what was ordered to me.. and
with that i had trouble knowing what i really want.

here, i know what i want. i
remember talking to the officer in the International Office of Anglia
Polytechnic University and i asked her what was the relatively easy course to
get in their university..the course that i wanted was Film Studies (combined
honors with Business) and its pretty hard..and then she asked me…, “but
what is it that you want to do for the rest of your life? remember that you are
going to be working on this for 3 whole it better be something that
you want…” and i felt bad.. because if only i had the courage to tell my
mom and put my foot down to tell her that i really didn’t want accounting.. i
wouldn’t be in this situation at all.. but then, who says it was a bad choice
anyway? maybe i was really meant to be here.

its not easy at all.. i still find
myself counting the days till i return back home..especially now that its a few
weeks away… (OMG!!!! FEW WEEKS!?!i gotta go pasalubong
shopping na!!!) but i have made up my mind. i am
destined to shine in UK. as tita perl told me, “in God’s time, you would
know what He planned for you. but remember that you are already family to
no matter what, you will always be special..” i wanted to cry when she told
me that.. grabe talaga the mom of papa j.. .hay.

i have rambled indistinctly once
again..without a sure topic i wanted to discuss..but then, i guess thats the way
life is.. you just gotta keep on typing, and then one day, when you stop and
take a look at what you have done, you see that it’s not pretty


Author: angparaluman

a poster girl with no poster staying on the safe side of the road less traveled.

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