music: Breathless – Corrs
grabe i missed my computer sooo much!! anywhoo… dami nangyari these past few days.. the most important of which, is that i got sick!! i hate getting sick.. i had to get confined and all that shit and i had to pay kasi nga i wasn’t a citizen and all that…. hay….
i hate going to the hospital.. makes me sooo sick.. makes me feel even worse.. parang the thought that im in a hospital full of sick people reminds me and tells me all the time that, “hey bob, you’re sick that’s why you are here.” and i hate that feeling. i really hate feeling weak.. most people misunderstands my constant obssesion with losing weight. i want to be fit, not Ms. Universe. i know i can never be a model with their twiggy looks and pouty lips and i really don’t care. i love my body but i know that it can go further if i wanted it to. i’m really lazy most of the time.. especially now that im here in UK.. before in the Philippines you can never see me sitting down in one corner or bumming around.. i always had something to do.. and i always wanted to do something.. but here.. parang i just want time to drift away… hay…
okay enough with that… i talked to my mom yesterday and i cried….
no, really i did. alam mo yon, it was the first time talaga that i opened up to her ever since i got here… iba kasi e.. i really don’t like talking to her coz she always ends up blaming me or making me sermon.. but i was crying that i wanted to go home na nga so she just kept quiet..which was really sweet if you ask me.
oh, i don’t know really.. but i guess i was really desparate to talk to someone about GERALDO.. i hate him.. okay here i go again.. but anyway.. so there nga.. i talked to mom about it and i guess i kinda cried.. which is not really something new because when life gets tough
talaga its not really surprising to go to your mom diba? and i did and i cried and cried.. and i know she was hurting too, coz i was here and she can’t do anything about it..
going back on the topic of marriage, i am really disillusioned by it already..especially because of what is happening to my ate and the fucking bastard.. parang i can’t handle it.. but i know that’s how i think now kasi im here… and im young pa…
i love my mom.. this is a rare moment ladies and gents, but i do.. i love her.. even if she is so quirky now and then from time to time, i still love her, coz she’s my mom and i can never have a new one.. sometimes i want to regret.. but i know i can’t. gotta eat my own shit. and i will talaga.
planning to move out when i go back here.. i cant live here talaga.. mom didnt say anything about it yet.. all she said was that as long as i was earning enough money for myself she doesn’t see why i can’t do that.. and i think i will.. still really thinking about it.
it really took me a lot of control to wait until now to rave again about my boy… and i think what im doing is really healthy.. especially that we are so far away.. its not that i have molded an image of him — okay.. i do.. but its always not what i expect.
you see, i keep thinking that it will all go crashing down on me one day.. gets mo? i dont want to be optimistic because i love him so much.. and if i lose him, im going to die talaga.. well, so i think i will.
but so far.. 3 months so far,, and three months so good… parang i can’t believe it talaga.. he loves me soo… and i’m so happy that each time i write down my thoughts here and he’s my last thing to talk about.. my whole mood changes and i feel so lucky and loved all over again… i’m not quite sure how often papa j reads my journal so i really want to say something here that i just cant.. it has to wait till august.. but i love him. i do..
ARGH!! HOW CHIZ TALAGA!!!!
so there.. im out.Ü