music: Everybody Hurts – The Corrs
i hate this distance between me and papa j.. i really do.. im having a hard time na especially with this FUCKER brother-in-law i have..
my love had a bad day today… it started out pretty good.. he had no failing grades this term (YIPEEE!!) and his highest grade is 3 (YIPEE!!!). but then he didn’t do well in the tournament though.. and it really brought him down.
i wanted to post here our conversation but it would just give me a harder time if i do so…i mean.. its already hard for me as it is.. being so far away from him and all… but…
oh.. i really don’t know what i want… or what i need… all i know is that i just want to curl up beside him and hold him in my arms, rock him to sleep and soothe him telling him its all going to be okay…but he doesn’t want that. he was so upset kanina that i felt him clamming up. closing his doors to me. he said that he can fix this alone.. and i wanted to tell him he will never be alone because he has me..but i can’t coz obviously i was not with him.
he asked me not to buy the cue case already… which gave me a warning sign.. exactly one year ago he wanted the two of us to break up.. just also around this time of the year.. and it was also rjays birthday.. so can you just imagine how horrible im feeling right now?
i love him.. and to quote victoria beckham, “if he leave me,i’ll die of heartbreak.” and i will.. i will wither and die without him.. but will he?
i’m sure im just over reacting. this whole distance thing is magnifying stuff that aren’t supposed to be fussed about. diba?
im so.. bereft. thats what i feel. and my song is everybody hurts.. and that is what i should be thinking about. everybody hurts.. sometimes.. i just know that he can stand up on his own.. theres no need for me to fuss over him.. but i just hope he knows that im just here.. god im actually acting like a mom and its also starting to irritate me..
okay slowly im realizing there is actually nothing wrong. he was just upset. and so what if he was diba? like my song today said.. everybody hurts..sometimes.
wow this journal thingy is really uplifting and makes me think CLEARLY. so since im already clear.. im out.