music: Not Myself – John Mayer
eeeekkk.. first and formost.. my enter key is not working again… *click click click* see?! anyway so i have to do this the long way… really steady day today…actually more of a ho hum… *ho hum* its really irritating sometimes… okay.. let me clear my brain first. ———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-okay. game. i waited this morning for josh…its been too long since we last chatted really nice.. and i really missed him. hay.. but then when he came, he was nagmamadali.. i cant remember when i really got ticked, but i guess it was when he told me he cant give me anything coz he didn’t have money. you see, my mom is coming here this April22… and i told him baka meron sha gustong ipadala sa mom ko to give to me diba? and i guess he misunderstood that i meant that as material things.. but i didn’t.. i was never that kind of girl. im more of the kind that wants L.O.L.’s = Labor of Love things.. i want to recieve those things. so i told him na kahit handwritten letter or even a shirt will do.. and he told me “matulog ka na.” OUCH MEN. that really ticked me off.. so i did.. and its just really frustrating… and then when i woke up.. feeling much better, i thought that i was just pagod and everything thats why i got pissed.. and he told me, its okay lang and well chat later kasi may papagawa sha sakin.. wow men.. heavy… grabe na talaga… so i was like.. okay. fine. this was a topic na before.. please let me clear this once again. I DONT MIND DOING ALL THESE THINGS FOR HIM.. but sometimes, i would really appreciate it if i felt that he was just making me utos LESS. you know, like.. oh, i don’t know na really. thats why my song is.. Not Myself today.. i mean, what if im not like this.. would he still be able to love me? the lyrics just really suits me today.. and it really ticks me off that i feel bad about this.. i mean, i really dont have to right? hay…. maybe i just really miss him a lot.. owel.. its just a phase.. malapit na kasi siguro monthsary namin.. were going to be 13 months soon. isnt that grand? hay…Ü *happy thoughts* im kinda okay na now that i think about it.. but still, it doesnt erase these things from my head.. besides, im going to do his paper parin, na hes suppose to do!!! why do i let him kasi not do it e.. GRRR Talaga!!! owel, thats life – let me rephrase that… that’s love. sometimes you dont understand it, but i know in time i will. im out.