let you rest in my arms
You Are Tired (I Think)
by e.e. cummings
You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.
Come with me, then,
And we’ll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)
You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.
But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And I knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.
Ah, come with me!
I’ll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I’ll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.
but the words get in the way.
I realize you’re seeing someone new
I don’t believe she knows you like I do
Your temperamental, moody side
The one you always try to hide from me
But I know when you have something on your mind
You’ve been trying to tell me for the longest time
And, before you break my heart in two
There’s something I’ve been trying to say to you
(Chorus:)
But the words get in the way
There’s so much I want to say
But it’s locked deep inside
And, if you look in my eyes
We might fall in love again
I won’t even start to cry
And, before we say goodbye
I tried to say “I love you”
But the words got in the way
Your heart has always been an open door
But, baby, I don’t even know you anymore
And, despite the fact it’s hurting me
I know the time has come to set you free
(Repeat chorus)
I’m trying to say “I love you”
But the words get in the way
in which i got a jolt
thank you for the time we spent last night. we were tired from our own little plays but we managed to put that all aside to catch up with the things that were going on around us. i felt like we were sitting down by a coffee shop near the highway, with all these fast cars zooming right before us. and that’s how it has been for a couple of months now. it just zooms away.
i have to thank you for letting me in through that little door. it is no doubt that you are one of the lucky people who just know how i really feel even without me letting out those words through my mouth.
when i say it out loud, it becomes real.
and so with you. i miss the times that we just did nothing at all. and it was good nothings. i firmly believe that Direk made us go through those so that we could just take it out from the cabinet and bask in its glow during a yosi break. i hate that we have to catch up so quickly but then again, we’re good with going with the flow. if this was the script given to us, let us play it well.
but on a more pressing matter, thank you for giving me this jolt to write so openly once again. it’s been too long since i heard my keyboard click so furiously. i can’t remember anymore why i just stopped doing it.
maybe it was because i felt i had nothing else to share. or that there’s no point in sharing anything anymore. or that i lost my muse. or maybe because i thought that as i grew my bones and built my future, i had to shake away the rest of me.
i daydream of my entries as i drive, take a bath, or even during classes. but the moment i get home, it either drifts away or i already took it for granted. the other bob always won.
can you believe how far we are now from what we were before? we have become those people we used to call “grown-ups”. we have finally learned to share. to give up the things we love for the people we love more. we have learned when to bite our tongues and to extend our arms when needed. we have learned how it is to really love.
and i don’t know if i ever told this to you, but i am really proud of what you are right now. you have become the epitome of my what if. in the back of my head, i can’t help but think if Direk has called our shots on this one. but slowly i can see through the mist. and there is no better person i would want to star in this role but you. how great it is that Direk takes care of what we really need. i know were not really that mushy when we talk, and we hide our mush in this garble, but i’m really glad that our friendship can transcend through time, pounds and wrinkles.
one day, when all the questions banging through our heads gets an answer, we shall sit down on the porch with newly painted nails and ice cold coke zeros (i’d still hate iced tea then) and maybe a dash of bacardi (para may thrill of danger tayo) we’ll laugh over these moments that we can’t sit still and hold all of these in our heads and know all is well.
for now, let’s just get on with the show.
i’m out.
glimmer
out of the millions of stars in the sky
it is still the twinkle in your eyes
that shines brightest in my nights.
swak.
i love you.
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